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The New Toy/Transcript
(Open up to the outside of the Skullship.) Peepers: (from inside; voiceover.) All right, sir. (Zoom into the Skullship to reveal Commander Peepers in front of the jumbotron.) Peepers: If we are to have any hope of stopping Dominator's invasion force, we need to use the most powerful weapon of them all. (Cut to Lord Hater sitting in his throne, crossing his fingers in hope.) Hater: Please be giant lasers. Please be giant lasers. Peepers: Our brains. (Points to his head.) Hater: (whining.) Doh! Peepers: I have recently been experimenting with the extremely rare, extremely unstable isotope (Turns on the jumbotron; static.) Frostonium 17. (An image of a blue isotope appears on the screen, which looks similar to a snowflake.) If we expose Dominator to a blast of Frostonium at close range, (The image zooms out to reveal the isotope on the side of a giant laser; it shoots out a beam. Cut to a shot of Lord Dominator in her mech armored form. In a flash, she becomes frozen in a block of ice from the laser’s blast.) the subsequent exothermic process will- (Cut back to Lord Hater.) Hater: Bo-ring! Peepers: Boring?! Sir, this weapon will neutralize not only Dominator, but her ship and entire army! Hater: Yeah, but will it impress her? Rock her world? Get her lava flowing? Peepers: No! The exact opposite! (Confused.) What?! (A VHS cassette appears in Hater’s hand.) Hater: Just watch. (Static; a live-action barren landscape with some rocks in the background appears on the jumbotron. A live-action hand, covered by a yellow glove, similar to that of Lord Hater’s, slams down. It carries a live-action figurine of Lord Dominator.) Hater: (voiceover; in the commercial.) Oh, no. The powerful and beautiful Dominator has conquered another planet. (Another gloved hand reaches in and removes the helmet off of the Dominator figurine.) Hater: (voiceover; imitating Dominator; high-pitched. The glove shakes around the figurine as “she” speaks.) Nobody in the galaxy is strong or hunky enough to stop me. Ha ha ha! (Normal voice; zoom in.) Guess again, Dominator. Prepare to surrender and swoon. It's... (A red and yellow car that looks similar to Lord Hater’s face, held by another gloved hand, appears. It “drives” into the scene and knocks over a stack of tiny cardboard boxes. A live-action figurine of Lord Hater sits in the driver’s seat. Title card appears, freeze-frame. Peppy music plays.) Hater: (voiceover.) Hater's Amazing Totally Excellent Rampage Vehicle, (As each word is spoken, it appears at the top of the frame in white text. The first letter of each word shifts around to spell the acronym.) the H.A.T.E.R.V.! (Cut to a shot of the live-action Dominator figurine. The gloved hand positions her arms up.) Lord Hater: (voiceover; imitating Dominator; high-pitched; gasps.) That's so amazing, and totally excellent! (Cut back to the H.A.T.E.R.V.) Hater: (voiceover; normal voice.) The H.A.T.E.R.V., equipped with (As each special feature is named, cut to a shot of the H.A.T.E.R.V. displaying said feature.) missile launcher, punching fists, grab-action claw, buzz-saws, slime launcher, laser beam, pizza shooter, and more! (A spiked, yellow propeller appears atop the vehicle. The gloved hand flicks it, causing it to spin around. The hand lifts the H.A.T.E.R.V. into the air and “flies” over to the Dominator figurine.) Hater: (voiceover; deeper voice.) Hey, babe, why don't you come take a ride, on the Hater side? (The hand positions the Dominator figurine’s arms up again and shakes her around. Hater imitates her swooning. Cut to the H.A.T.E.R.V. against a gray background with its title appearing above it. A warning message appears at the bottom in white text, reading, “Warning: This is not a real toy. This will NEVER be a real toy. It is insanely dangerous and commercially unsound. Lord Hater is neither a licensed toy designer or engineer. Please do not try to build or bootleg this toy yourself.”) Hater: (voiceover; normal voice.) The H.A.T.E.R.V., coming soon to a galactic battlefield near you. (Talking extremely fast.) Potential choking hazard for Kremlons and Mikkelops. (Cut back to the barren, rocky landscape, where the H.A.T.E.R.V. is “flying” in the air, holding the Dominator figurine with its grab-claw.) Hater: (voiceover; imitating Dominator; high-pitched.) I love you, Hater. (Normal voice; in the manner of Han Solo.) I know. (Cut back to Peepers, who is standing in front of the jumbotron, where a shot of the live-action Hater and Dominator figurines, standing next to one another, appears.) Peepers: (flabbergasted.) I can't-! I don't-! (beat.) Sir, do you wanna destroy Dominator or marry her? Hater: Eh...both? (Hops off his throne.) So get the Watchdogs and build a full-size one of these ASAP. (Eyeing his bicep.) I gotta do some push-ups real quick. (Peepers runs in front of him.) Peepers: No! We are not building a...the Hate-errv! Hater: You're saying it wrong! H. A. T. E.-R. V.! Peepers: Dominator's ship is refueling on the planet Argite 7. We have a very narrow window for action. We can't waste any resources on an...oversized toy! Hater: Fine! No H. A. T. E. R. V. , no Hate-r. Handle the attack yourself! Peepers: (gasps; hopeful.) Really? Y-you mean it? Hater: (tauntingly.) Yep. You're gonna have to lead the Watchdogs alone. Good luck with- (Cut to reveal the entire room, which is now empty. Hater looks around and groans in frustration. Snap to black.) (Cut to a close-up of Lord Dominator in her mech armored form. Zoom out to reveal her ship looming above a rocky planet; a drill extends from her ship into a volcano, which Dominator stands atop. The Watchdogs run forward, hollering. The camera rotates around to reveal the Skullship, where more Watchdogs are running down its extended tongue. Peepers and two Watchdogs stand at the top of the tongue; the two Watchdogs are holding the Frostonium 17 laser.) Peepers: Push forward. No surrender. Be ready. As soon as our forces reach Dominator, we need to hit her with the Frostonium at close range. And- (Suddenly, peppy music plays: the same music from the H.A.T.E.R.V. commercial.) Peepers: Wait. What is-? Oh, no. Hater: (from off-screen; voiceover.) Hey, Peepers! (Cut to Lord Hater.) Hater: (tauntingly.) Guess what?! (Cut back to Peepers.) Peepers: (in awe.) He built it himself. (Cut to a shot of two Watchdogs holding up a stack of cardboard boxes. Engine revving. Lord Hater drives an animated version of the H.A.T.E.R.V. into the cardboard boxes, knocking them over. He proudly stands up and throws his fists in the air.) Hater: I built it myself! (Close-up; smug.) Oh, yeah, perfect entrance. (To Dominator.) Show me the love, baby. (The Watchdogs run around the H.A.T.E.R.V. and up the volcano, where Dominator is still standing motionless. She begins to shoot lava at them with her fists, sending groups of Watchdogs flying into the air. Several of them land around Hater, who looks quite shocked.) Hater: Um, hello? Super cool guy with totally tricked-out ride here! Way cooler than some stupid battle. Peepers: (from off-screen; voiceover.) Important battle. Very important battle. (The two Watchdogs from before walk on screen with a cardboard box in their hands.) Watchdog #1: Uh, should we re-stack? Hater: Nah. (He bends down and picks up the car, revealing that it has no floor, similar to the vehicles in The Flintstones. He begins walking backward with it until he is off-screen.) Hater: I gotta get my ride in her line of sight for maximum impact. Watchdog #1: (disappointed.) Aww, I like stacking, though. (Cut to a shot of the Watchdogs standing in front of the Skullship, shooting at Dominator with their blasters.) Hater: ''(from off-screen, voiceover.)'' Hey, hey, Dominator! Look at me! (Lord Hater begins driving the H.A.T.E.R.V. through the Watchdogs, toppling them over. When he reaches the last Watchdog, his vehicle flips through the air and lands upside down. Hater screams.) Hater: Oh! Never mind. Don't look! Don’t-do over, do over! (The exact same scene as before plays out again, but this time, the H.A.T.E.R.V. spins around backward when it stops, ruining Hater’s dramatic entrance.) Hater: Hey, Dominator-ahh, dang it! (Once again, the same scene as before plays out. Hater fails to stop the vehicle and slides off-screen.) Hater: Ahh!! (The same scene as before plays out a fourth time. The H.A.T.E.R.V. crashes down from above.) Hater: (reaching for his tailbone.) Oh, my tailbone! (For a final time, the same scene as before plays out. The H.A.T.E.R.V. drives through the Watchdogs and lands perfectly. Hater gets out of the vehicle and poses.) Hater: Nice. (He spins the car around.) Hater: Hey, Dominator. (The car falls on its side and lands on top of Hater, crushing him.) ''No, no, no! ''(Cut to Peepers, who is standing in the Skullship’s entrance. Before him lies dozens of injured Watchdogs and tire tracks from the H.A.T.E.R.V. He sighs and holds his head.) Peepers: Okay, new plan! (Cut back to Hater, who pushes the H.A.T.E.R.V. back over. He appears beat up, along with the other Watchdogs who surround him.) Hater: (to a Watchdog.) Did she see the cool part? (The Watchdog points upward. Pan up to reveal two groups of Watchdogs with jetpacks flying around the volcano; Dominator begins shooting lava at them. Cut to Commander Peepers and the Watchdogs in the air; two Watchdogs are holding the Frostonium 17 laser.) Peepers: This is it, men. We have her full attention. (Cut back to Hater.) Hater: (distressed.) Ohh! (Nonchalantly.) It's fine. Play it cool, lover boy. Stick to the plan. Time to activate- (Close-up.) -flight mode! (Hater reaches into the top of the H.A.T.E.R.V. and pulls out the propeller. It expands outwards, knocking Hater to the ground. Cut to a shot of a first aid kit. Hater reaches inside, pulls out a bandage, and slaps it on his head, which now has a crack running down the side. Cut back to the H.A.T.E.R.V., where Hater is inserting a large, green plastic key into the back of the vehicle. He struggles to fit it into the slot.) Hater: Stupid thing. Looked cooler in the commercial. (He finally slides the key into the back of the H.A.T.E.R.V. and yanks it out, causing the propeller to spin. The H.A.T.E.R.V. begins rising into the air. He jumps onto the flying vehicle and hops into the driver’s seat.) Hater: Yeah, flight mode! (Zoom out to reveal the H.A.T.E.R.V. a mere few feet off of the ground.) Hater: What? Come on, go higher! (He kicks the giant fists downward with his foot and they extend, springing the H.A.T.E.R.V. high into the air.) Hater: Whoo-hoo! (Cut back to Commander Peepers and the Watchdogs.) Peepers: Hold formation. Stay focused. There's- (Suddenly, the H.A.T.E.R.V. flies into in the middle of the group from below, knocking the Watchdogs and Peepers out of formation.) Peepers: What was that?! Hater: Hey, Dominator, look at my- (The H.A.T.E.R.V. falls down and bounces upward.) -cool thing- (The H.A.T.E.R.V. bounces upward again.) -it can totally- (The H.A.T.E.R.V. bounces upward again.) -fly!! (Zoom out to reveal the H.A.T.E.R.V. being lifted up by some Watchdogs.) Hater: Why isn't she looking? (To Peepers.) It's like all she cares about is stopping you guys. (Two giant lasers cut through the group and send some Watchdogs flying out of formation.) Peepers: Tell me about it! Hater: (Close-up.) Time to pull out the big guns. Literally. (Hater presses a button with a missile on it.) Hater: Hey, Dominator, check this- (The missiles shoot out from the back of the H.A.T.E.R.V., but instead of travelling forward, they send the entire vehicle flying backward.) Hater: (from a distance.) -ouuuut!! (The missiles fall to the ground as the Watchdogs observe; an explosion occurs. The remaining Watchdogs, minus Peepers, are blown away.) Peepers: (sighs.) Okay. New, new plan. (Snap to black. Fade up to a close-up of a dazed Lord Hater.) Hater: (grunts.) What-what happened? (Gasps.) Oh, no, the H. A. T. E. R. V. (Pan over to the H.A.T.E.R.V., stuck in the mud.) Hater: Whew! Good as new. (The propeller falls off the top. An explosion occurs on the volcano in the distance. Cut to Peepers and the Watchdogs climbing up the volcano; the Watchdogs are exhausted.) Peepers: Come on, men, we're almost at the top. This is going to work! (Two Watchdogs are dragging the Frostonium 17 ray up the volcano.) Watchdog #2: I can't feel my feet. (Cut back to Hater.) Hater: Man, she is really playing hard to get. (To the camera.) It's time to activate- (Close-up.) -boat mode! (Cut to Hater and the H.A.T.E.R.V. along the shore; an air pump is attached to the H.A.T.E.R.V. Hater quickly pumps air into the H.A.T.E.R.V., inflating the raft at the bottom of the vehicle. Suddenly, he appears at the front of the H.A.T.E.R.V., leaning against the hood and gasping for air. He then appears back at the pump, inflating the raft some more until it pops and deflates. Hater roars in anger. Cut to a shot of Hater slapping some tape over the hole where the raft popped. He begins pumping air into the raft once again until it is completely inflated. He throws the pump to the side and pushes the H.A.T.E.R.V. into the water. As soon as he does, it floats away from him. Hater gasps and runs into the water after it. When he reaches it, he climbs into the driver’s seat, soaking wet.) Hater: Yeah! Boat mode! (Zoom out to reveal the H.A.T.E.R.V. in the water, halfway between the island he was just on and the island where the volcano sits. Dominator continues to shoot at the Watchdogs; there are several explosions on the side of the volcano. Beat.) Hater: (jumping on top of the H.A.T.E.R.V.) Why is nobody paying attention to me?! (Waving to her.) Dominator, look. Look now! Look at my ooze and saws and pizza! (Slime and buzz-saws pop out of the front of the H.A.T.E.R.V.; the buzz-saws cut two holes in the raft.The H.A.T.E.R.V. begins to sink.) Hater: Uh-oh. No matter. Time for- (Close-up.) -sub-mode! (Cut to a shot of Hater reading the H.A.T.E.R.V.’s instructions manual. His eyes bulge out and he throws the manual to the side, panicking.) Hater: Peepers, there is no sub-mode! (Cut to Peepers and the Watchdogs on the side of the volcano.) Hater: (from a distance.) Save me! Find a way that doesn't make me look stupid in front of Dominator. Watchdog #3: Should we, uh, help him? Peepers: No! Don't help him! With Lord Lovesick out of the way, we can finally finish this thing. Go, go, go! (Peepers chargers up the mountain until he reaches the top. He raises his arms up triumphantly.) ♪ 'Commander Peepers '♪ (The two assistant Watchdogs follow behind, carrying the Frostonium 17 ray. The throw it down it, worn out. Zoom out to revealing a silhouette of Dominator standing before them. Cut to a front-view of Dominator. She raises her fist up, which begins to spew lava, and slams it down onto the ground. This creates a wall of lava, which pushes Peepers and the rest of the Watchdogs into the air. They fly helplessly past Lord Hater, who watches in disbelief.) Peepers: Ahhh!!! (The wall of lava reaches Hater and engulfs him.) Hater: Ahhh!!! (The screen flashes to white. Cut to the front of the Skullship, where Hater, Peepers and the Watchdogs land, along with the H.A.T.E.R.V. and the Frostonium 17 laser.) Peepers and Hater: (to one another.) Watchdogs, we're not giving up yet. Fix the- Hater: -H. A. T. E. R. V. Peepers: -Frostonium ray. Peepers and Hater: -at once! Watchdog #3: So, uh, do we fix the freeze ray thing or the car thing? Hater: Car! Peepers: Ray! (beat.) Sir, I'm sorry, but Dominator is never going to notice your Hate-errv. Hater: You're saying it wrong on purpose! Peepers: In fact, it's pretty much the only thing on the battlefield she's not paying attention to. (Realizing.) Oh, wait a second. Sir, we can use your car, which Dominator considers literally no threat at all, to sneak the Frostonium close to her. Hater: The what now? Peepers: (pointing to the laser.) The Frostonium. My plan. The big presentation I gave this morning. (Beat. Hater looks down, confused.) Hater: Is it like a cool gift for her? Peepers: (beat; playing along.) Yeees. It's, uh, it’s a gift. A very cool gift. Just get close to her, set it off, and I promise she'll be really impressed. (Two pink hearts appear in Hater’s eyes and he smiles excitedly. Fade to black.) (Fade up from black and pan up to reveal the front of the Skullship, where Commander Peepers is standing lecturing the Watchdogs.) Peepers: Okay, Watchdogs, this is it. (Zoom-in on Peepers.) Coordinated four-way ambush! (Cut to the front of the volcano.) Peepers: Land! (The Watchdogs begin running towards the volcano, hollering. Cut back to Peepers.) Peepers: Air! (Peepers points up. Several Watchdogs with jetpacks fly out from behind the Skullship.) Peepers: Sea! (A few Watchdogs pop up from underneath the water, wearing snorkels and carrying blasters. They begin to shoot at Dominator. Cut to a shot of Hater driving the H.A.T.E.R.V.) Hater: -and H. A. T. E.R. V. ! (Cut to a wide shot of the volcano; all of the characters are silhouettes. Dominator blasts at the Watchdogs as they attack from several positions; Hater drives the H.A.T.E.R.V. up the right side of the volcano. Cut to a shot of Hater, who is practicing his pick-up line.) Hater: Hey, babe, wanna come take a ride on the wha- (beat.) Hey, babe, why don't you come take a ride on the Hater side? (beat.) Hey, babe, why don't you come take a ride on the Hater side? (beat.) Hey, babe, why don't you come take a ride on the Hater side? (Cut to several shots of the Watchdogs attacking Dominator from the land, air, and sea, as Peepers had planned. Cut back to Hater, who drives the H.A.T.E.R.V. closer to Dominator. It dramatically flies over her head in slow motion, stopping inside the planet’s sun for a moment. Dominator takes off her mask and observes in awe. Hater lands the car several feet away, screeching the tires as he brakes. Zoom in to reveal Hater proudly sitting in the driver’s seat. Lens flare.) Hater: (beat.) I did it. This is it. (He takes a deep breath and hops out of the car, posing as he lands. Peppy music. The camera rotates around to reveal Hater leaning on the hood of the car.) Hater: (voice cracking.) Hey, babe, ahem, w-why don't you come take a-...on the right side? (Cut to a shot of Dominator; the Frostonium 17 ray is pointed directly at her. She transforms back into her normal form and smiles slyly at Hater.) Dominator: (seductively.) Hey. Cool car. (She begins to walk around the car, inspecting it.) Hater: What? Uh, really? (gulps.) You like it? Dominator: Oh, yeah. The fists, the pizzas. The incredibly powerful Frostonium super-weapon. (She runs her finger along the Frostonium 17 laser.) Hater: That was-...gift. (Over-excitedly.) I got you gift! Dominator: (acting impressed.) Oh, really? In that case- (She puts her hand on his chin and leans in close to him.) Dominator: -mind if I take it for a spin? (Cut to Peepers, who is standing at the entrance of the Skullship, observing the scene from afar through a telescope.) Peepers: Oh, yes, come on. You got her! Now set off the Frostonium. Come on, set it off. (beat.) Wait. What are you doing? (beat.) Don't give her the keys! (beat.) Don't let her drive it!! (Cut to a scene of Dominator driving the H.A.T.E.R.V.; its extended grab-claw holds a love-struck Hater out in front, opposite of what was seen in the live-action commercial. Dominator activates the car’s fists, using them to knock over two lines of Watchdogs. She then activates the car’s lasers; cut to the Watchdogs in the water, either swimming away from the lasers or being washed away by the explosions they are creating. Cut back to the H.A.T.E.R.V., where the slime launcher shoots out some green slime and knocks over one of the Watchdogs. Dominator then activates the car’s missiles, which work properly this time. They fly into the air and cause an explosion, sending the airborne Watchdogs to the ground. Cut back to Peepers.) Peepers: Retreat!! (Terrified, the Watchdogs run into the Skullship. Dominator sets off the H.A.T.E.R.V.’s pizza launcher; a piping-hot pizza shoots out from the front of the vehicle and hits Peepers square on the face. He pulls it off; two pepperoni slices and a mushroom remain on his face, forming eyes and a nose. He screams.) Peepers: Ahh!!! (Dominator sets off the Frostonium 17 laser. It creates a ramp made out of ice that leads up to the Skullship; Dominator drives the H.A.T.E.R.V. up it. As they are flying in mid-air, a smitten Lord Hater looks over at Dominator; she looks back, annoyed.) Hater: '''(in the manner of Princess Leia.) I love you. '''Dominator: (disgusted; in the manner of Han Solo.) Ugh, I know. (Dominator jumps out of the car and does a flip in slow-motion; Hater looks back with hearts in his eyes. The H.A.T.E.R.V. crashes into the Skullship, setting off the Frostonium 17 laser and freezing the Skullship in a block of ice. It falls to the ground and rolls over into the sea. Dominator’s ship flies away from above.) Hater: (from inside; voiceover.) Peepers, she likes my car. (Peepers groans in frustration; snap to black; end.) Animatic: (A displeased Lord Hater thaws the frozen-over Skullship with a hair-dryer. When he stops to take a break, Peepers points at him and demands that he keeps going.) (Disney Television Animation and Disney XD Original logos appear. End.) Category:Transcripts